Are You and Your Partner Super Close—or Codependent? Here's How to Tell the Difference
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For example, if he lets you make most of the plans for your dates and goes along with your choices of restaurants and movies — start asking for his opinions about where he would like to eat and what he would like to see. Be open to his feelings, thoughts and choices and be clear that you want to be partners in making decisions in the relationship, rather than having him bend to your needs. The person who is codependent may seek to control you — out of a need to always have you close.
Clinical psychologist Seth Meyers suggests that spending time alone and apart from your partner is key to maintaining boundaries in a codependent situation. Encourage the man you are dating to spend time on his own doing productive things, and do the same yourself. Doing so will help build confidence and life skills as well as the ability to function separately. In a situation in which codependency is affecting the functioning of an individual, counseling or a step program such as codependents anonymous may be a good option, says Lancer.
Codependent individuals need to learn how to become more assertive and build self-esteem — both of which may require professional help beyond what you can offer as a dating partner.
Codependent individuals are also usually drawn to others with their own personal issues such as addictions.