You can go with the natural flow of the conversation and just see where it takes you; if you approach it like this, you make it more likely that he will want to be around you more and see you again because you are going to be pleasant and refreshing rather than suffocating and demanding.
If You’re Already In An Established Relationship
So you really do not know the outcome unless you call. In general, if you just met or are in the beginning stages and he is not calling it is normally not the best of signs but is definitely not the worst, unless you have already called him with zero response and total radio silence. If this is the case, move on and focus on men who like you for who and how you are. So in a relationship, it is possible that he is simply comfortable with you now and feels no need to call.
What will determine whether his lack of calling is neutral not good or bad , bad sign or simply a sign that means he is comfortable with what you have and feels no need to call. If he is not even calling you back, this could be a problem indicating that he is losing interest in you and not in the mood to tell you how he feels because he does not want to deal with hurting you and is probably conflicted, too, about whether he actually wants to end it or is just going through a weird rut, so he leaves you in this weird limbo.
This situation is hard to deal with, I understand… the best thing you can do is have a real heart to heart with him. The point is… when you have a conversation with him, do not come from a place of blaming but rather one of understanding. Come from a place of listening, without any judgment or expectations of what he should or should not say to you.
Do not go in assuming he is not interested anymore. Assumptions are powerful and self-fulfilling prophecies are scarily real. What I mean is if you assume the worst, you can actually make that specific bad outcome you fear more likely to happen, whereas if you assume the best, you give yourself the best shot of things working out in your favor.
So as I was saying… come to the conversation from the kind of mental state I described and you will be able to truly get some kind of understanding into what is going on with him, what he feels about what you have and where to go from there.
More From Thought Catalog
This will at least give you clarity. Nothing is worse than wandering, waiting, hoping and wishing. Nothing is worse than trying to grasp at straws for an answer, for a glimmer of hope that the next phone call is from him only to find it is a random telemarketer trying to sell you some imaginary medical device. I am rambling but it is to make a point that once you know the truth, you can find true peace and ok -ness.
When you find this state of being ok , you will not be focusing on whether a man is or is not calling. You will be able to live your life without living and dying inside each time you hear your ringer go off. The goal here should not be to make him call you and convince him to call you… if he is not naturally inclined to make the call, why would you want him to force himself to do something he does not even want to do?
If he wants to, great. If you call him and he does not even answer your calls and never returns them, this is a huge indication that he is definitely not into you. Is He Losing Interest? You become more and more anxious and make up things in your head about the situation. Most of the time hoping is a good thing. When it has to do with your life, your work and your dreams. Even having hope that you will find the "right" partner and the "perfect" match is a good thing. Hope keeps us feeling alive and helps us to keep going when we are down, and when nothing seems possible.
Hope drives us to new heights.
If a Guy Doesn’t Call He’s Just Not That Into You…Or Is He?
But, hoping that others will be a certain way or will change is a disaster waiting to happen. People are who they are. They are going about their lives, just like you are, doing the best they can. Right or wrong a person is showing themselves at the capacity and level of emotional. You alone can't make someone push themselves outside their comfort zone.
- gorilla dating.
- If You’re In The Beginning Stages Of A Relationship.
- Maintain Your High Value | What to Do When He Doesn't Call?
A change in behavior requires a willingness to go outside one's comfort zone. Go outside your comfort zone when he doesn't call when he says he will. Recognize that when you feel uncomfortable you are growing. When you feel uncomfortable you are stretching yourself just a little bit more. When you feel uncomfortable you are allowing yourself to gain more than you will lose. I'm speaking of the type of discomfort when the little voice in your head your rational mind says, "I need to do this and not do what I'd normally do. Take a pause and breathe.
If A Guy Doesn’t Call… Does That Mean He’s Not Into You?
Breathe as many times as you need to. Count backwards from twenty. Walk away from the phone. Put your phone in another room or turn it on silent. Allow yourself to feel something other than the feeling of dread. Allow yourself to move towards peace instead. Whenever we have expectations we set ourselves up for disappointment.
Expectations, especially when they are unrealistic, keep us hooked to our emotions and tied to events outside us. Happiness is then something that comes from the outside not inside us. The next time he doesn't call think about whether you were expecting it - expecting a call, expecting a date, expecting a whatever for that matter. Instead, see it for what it is and accept it at face value. Say to yourself, "The phone didn't ring, but I'm OK. You are more than OK. In Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy CBT , "cognitive distortions are simple ways that our mind convinces us of something that isn't true.
These inaccurate thoughts are usually used to reinforce negative thinking or emotions - telling ourselves things that sound rational and accurate, but really only serve to keep us feeling bad about ourselves. One cognitive distortion is "jumping to conclusions. An example of this is that if he hasn't called that he must be disinterested or out with someone else. Next time you are faced with this situation, pay attention to whether you are jumping to conclusions or making an assumption about how the other person feels about you and whether he wants to spend time with you or not.
When we are waiting for something to happen, whether it's a commitment, a relationship, a job offer or happiness, we are essentially putting our life on hold. We are waiting for something or someone to be the key to our own happiness. You might be unconsciously saying things to yourself like, "I am worthy because he called. Next time the phone doesn't ring, remind yourself that hoping, expecting and assuming only keeps you in a negative cycle and reinforces your unhealthy thoughts and emotions.
Instead, step back, accept what is and go outside your comfort zone. Make a choice to be happy. Don't waist your time. Enjoy those precious moments that you will not get back. What is it about that truth that gets us so frustrated and upset? It has nothing to do with him and everything to do with us. Often if we sit with our feelings and have the courage to take an honest, inner journey, we will discover the real reasons we are so hurt. For some of us we might feel disappointed go deeper. Then ignored go deeper. Then devalued go deeper.
Then not worthy go deeper. And finally not lovable. These moments are wonderful opportunities to learn about ourselves and bring light to where in our past we felt unlovable. And when we bring it into our consciousness, we then can rewrite that old story our child brain created and heal. That is a no, too. If the man does call at another time, it offers us an opportunity to open up to the man vulnerably and honestly.
If he listens and steps up, great! If not, then bye bye - he was good practice for us asking for what we want and sharing how we expect to be treated. The more we practice this, the easier it will become to be to share our truth with consistent honesty and vulnerability. And men fall in love with women with those qualities. We want them to change and mold to our needs. But the only person we can change is ourselves. We should be grateful he revealed such an incompatible trait so early to us and move on.
Once we do that, we make space for other men who will honor our boundaries to step up and into our lives. Kate Houston, Love Coach - www. Most of us have gone through the agony of not receiving an expected call from a date or lover. Unfortunately, this is just about the worst emotional state to be for developing a beneficial response. Our emotional reaction is likely to be just the opposite—done to relieve our angst and release the tension that is filling our minds and bodies. Calming down make take a bit of doing. It means having emotional re-regulation as a goal and reminding yourself that you will not be making any decisions until you have a cool head.
Hurt, we may become very angry and want to hurt someone back. What we can do is to brainstorm other legitimate possibilities for someone not calling: Brainstorming helps us realize that our first thought all is lost! He did love her after all! Sharing our worries and woe with friends or family can be a plus or a minus. It depends on who we talk to.
Remember, intimates are likely to feel as helpless as you do and want you both to feel better. Think of their dating or mating history and the decisions they usually make. Often we have a timeline in our heads and are impatient for the call from our date or lover to come sooner rather than later.
And then our fantasies of what went wrong are off and running. Give the situation time. Sleep on your thoughts before taking action on them. You may be hurt or even devastated, but remind yourself that not hearing from someone does not herald the end of the world. There are other dates and lovers. The last thing you want to do is blast someone a text or an email that is rude or shows you in a negative light. If you sense that someone will not be calling, you might decide to let it go and move on.
Or, you might want to write down your questions and sentiments and, after some time, share them with this person in an appropriate way. There is no right or wrong way to approach a no-call situation. Ask questions and wait for responses.