Why do Chinese women date western men?
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There are no doubts some who are perfectly fine with being a racialized object in the relationship, but for people of sound mind and any sense of self-respect, this is a problem and not something to be sought after.
The author is a writer from Kulturemedia, media watchdog on behalf of Asian-Americans. There's nothing like the topic of sex to get people's attention, and to get under their skin, too. But a recent article in Metro Shanghai, titled "Single foreign females in China don't have it easy," struck me as particularly wrong-headed. I don't claim to be any kind of love expert, but I have managed to stay married - to a Jiangsu woman - for over seven years, and I've seen friends from the US, Canada and England marry locals. The writer, Stephanie N, makes a lot of bold claims and assumptions.
I would like to take exception to the wearyingly familiar trope of the male expat, emboldened beyond any fair reckoning by the unwarranted admiration of the submissive Chinese woman. In Western countries, men are expected to do all the approaching in dating. A woman having active desires is still somehow frowned upon. In China things seem to be more equal.
This may be because the dating window is so restricted: So Chinese women are more practical, to the point of what seems to the Western perspective hard-nosed pragmatism. They want a man, they'll approach him.
So Western men find they don't have to do all the running, for once. They are no longer always supplicant. Hell, they might even have options. But this doesn't mean that they go sleeping around in a frenzy of easy one-night stands. All of my expat male friends dated exclusively, and then married. Sure, there may be people who do hooking-up, but they'd be doing it wherever they were. Stephanie N also repeats the image of the deferential, submissive Chinese woman.
This is somehow thought to be endemic in Asia, as though Chinese, Japanese, Filipino and Malaysian women all have the same psychology. But has she never heard of the Chinese Tiger Mom? Has she never seen the fierce competitiveness of female students? Or take some of the Chinese women of my acquaintance: None of them display the supposed submissiveness, which is more likely really a stereotype from Japan. They are strong, smart, and easily capable of knocking back any guy they aren't interested in.
Some just want to practice their spoken English. And there are always a number of women attracted by western men's money, said Robin, a man who works in a state-owned enterprise in southern China's Shenzhen City. While it comes to marriage, most of them would rationally choose Chinese men eventually," Robin continued. A married Chinese woman who had dated white men before said that white men are better in bed, that they have a good sense of humor, and that they will sweet-talk girls when dating. But she emphasized that while it is easy to like a white man, it is hard to love him.
And once you get married to a white man, everything changes in a bad way. A young Chinese man who works in the embassy area in Beijing said that some Chinese girls date foreign men only to get out of China some day, or perhaps to show off, "otherwise I don't understand why a Chinese girl is hurling herself at a foreign loser. Some foreigners who stay in China are actually losers in their own countries," he argued.
A young Canadian woman who is studying in the United States told china. A middle-aged Chinese man said that western guys are more tolerant, and they won't feel strongly about marrying a woman who is not a virgin. And unlike Chinese men, they are willing to marry divorced women. A Korean-American man said that it is either because western men are different from Chinese men, or because they think differently, or both.